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THERAPY
My clinical practice emphasizes therapy for clients who have experienced emotional neglect, physical and/or sexual abuse.
My therapeutic approach is not about digging up old memories (which can sometimes make the problem worse), but rather addresses the feelings, thoughts and behaviors in the here and now that arise from past abusive relationships. Therapies which predominantly focus on reliving past memories are called "regressive".
A client needs to learn how to cope with feelings that may seem intolerable. Rather than expect a client to "just gut it out", I actively help clients learn how to use techniques for tolerating feelings that would otherwise be overwhelming. The ability to tolerate these feelings is essential in order to manage self-destructive symptoms. A person needs to understand that life is not meant to just be tolerated or coped with; life is to be lived.
It is important to remember:
- "When emotions go north, thinking goes south". When a person is in a highly charged emotional state (including sadness), these strong feelings can distort memories, reasoning and/or thoughts. So, when emotions are strong (every person with a trauma history) you need to learn to ask yourself if these thoughts and/or memories are reasonable or factual. Don't make important decisions when you are angry or sad.
- Thoughts can give rise to unbearable feelings and cause problems if we believe these thoughts. A person's beliefs about her/his role in abusive or neglectful relationships plays a role in these intolerable feelings. Clients need to learn how to question their perspectives & beliefs - about themselves, their relationships, and their abilities.
- Just because you have thoughts or memories does not mean that these are true or correct. Memory is not like a video tape, but more like a picture that is re-drawn; each time it is re-drawn it can be different - features can be added or deleted, or things can be seen from different perspectives.
- Distorted thinking and memories drive how a person feels (emotions); and these emotions, in turn, can lead to a further spiral of distorted thinking and emotions.
- An experience loses its meaning when it loses its feeling. A flashback develops when the experience loses its meaning. That is, when the feelings become dissociated from the original experience. It is not unusual for a person who has experienced trauma to feel numb.
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